I can't really remember when the last time I even logged into this blog. It has been quite awhile. All I know is that our lives have changed drastically since my last blog post. Let's take a "look" at what our family looks like now.
Blake and I are still happily married. We celebrated 5 years this past April. It seems so crazy to think that we've been married for 5 years; we have been through so much that it makes it feel like eternity.
Bentley would be getting ready to turn 5 this October. Wow. Such a crazy thing to think about. Time has flown by so quickly. We miss him each and every day, but I am still very much thankful for him. He has taught us so much already, and he continues to even 5 years later. This life has become such a journey.
Chase just turned 4 years old in August. We celebrated with a Super Mario birthday party because he currently is obsessed with Mario and the new Wii U he received for his birthday. He is in Pre-K at Grace Academy, and he just had his tonsils removed a week and half ago. He is more wild than ever, and he definitely keeps us on our toes. Next Saturday, him and his sister will begin playing soccer at the YMCA.
Briella our little princess will be turning 3 in November. Or should I say she is the wild child! She is always smiling and pretty much happy unless you are telling you to do something she simply does not want to do. She is our sassy little thang. She is a daddy's girl for sure, and the second we tell her "no", she says she is packing for Nana's house. I don't think I am ready for teen years anytime soon with her.
Lucas will be turning 6 months here in a few weeks. I don't think I have ever mentioned him yet on this blog, but Lucas Dean Nalley was born on March 26, 2016. He was our unplanned baby whom we never knew we needed until he graced us with his presence. He truly has been so much healing. My birth with him was amazing and natural. He's been an awesome breast feeder from day one, and still going strong exclusively. He sleeps well, and he is literally always happy. I have enjoyed him so much. He is a momma's little guy for sure.
We also have 3 exchange students who live in our home. Two of them are from Korea, and one is from China. They are attending Grace Academy, and they keep us busy. It has been experience over the last 3 years of hosting students in our home. It has been challenging at times, but we love hosting them. Our children have built relationships with them, and we have too. It is our hope that they have learned a lot of our faith, family, and love through our household.
It's really beginning to be that time of year for us. The difficult time. The time when fall creeps in and memories flood our minds. It is the time of year that I've always enjoyed even growing up. I truly can not wrap my mind around the fact that in just a few months, Bentley would be turning FIVE. Five is a big year. a HUGE year for a kid. And, my heart breaks that he won't physically be here to celebrate it with us. I can tell you that in 5 years I don't think we've ever grown so much. Bentley is in the best place that I ever could imagine, and we miss him each and e very day, but I know that his life, it still has such a purpose.
Since giving birth to Lucas, I began a journey of re-finding self after loss. You may say, Stephanie, you haven't found yourself yet? It's almost been five years?" I would love to tell you yes. But, the truth is that I haven't. When our world flipped upside down, we became lost. Lost really doesn't even begin to touch the surface, honestly. You plan your life. Your plan changes drastically. And, you are left with a broken plan, a broken life, and a broken heart. It takes a lot time to piece that back together. When a baby dies inside of you, you question every aspect of yourself to how you could have prevented the death from happening. Your body becomes something you hate- you despise it. Your body fails you. You feel like you failed yourself. And, you simply dig yourself deeper into a hole. After loss, you feel so isolated and confused. Your friendships fade. Maybe not because of any wrong doing, but loss changes you. You become a different friend on a different path. And, then you think you failed your friends. Your body failed you and now you fail others. Broken. The pieces become so scattered that sometimes you don't even know where to begin to start over. You can't start over. Your story and your journey is such a tangled mess that you feel like you never can be you again.
I'm here to tell you that you may never be the you again that you once were, but you can live again. You can piece yourself back together. I don't know all the answers, and I am just beginning this journey not long ago myself. Just, never give up on this life after loss. I'm beginning to blog again because for once I feel like maybe my journey on where I am now, may help someone else. After loss, I went through a period where I was so vocal, trying to do it all so to say. I got burnt out. I shut down. I once again felt like I failed. But, my journey never stopped. I am ready to be a voice from a different angle now. My story has shifted. I hope that you'll join me on this new chapter in my life. The chapter of redefining self.
I'm thankful for my family, friends, and new loss family that I have met along the way. They've helped get me to this point.
Blake and I are still happily married. We celebrated 5 years this past April. It seems so crazy to think that we've been married for 5 years; we have been through so much that it makes it feel like eternity.
Bentley would be getting ready to turn 5 this October. Wow. Such a crazy thing to think about. Time has flown by so quickly. We miss him each and every day, but I am still very much thankful for him. He has taught us so much already, and he continues to even 5 years later. This life has become such a journey.
Chase just turned 4 years old in August. We celebrated with a Super Mario birthday party because he currently is obsessed with Mario and the new Wii U he received for his birthday. He is in Pre-K at Grace Academy, and he just had his tonsils removed a week and half ago. He is more wild than ever, and he definitely keeps us on our toes. Next Saturday, him and his sister will begin playing soccer at the YMCA.
Briella our little princess will be turning 3 in November. Or should I say she is the wild child! She is always smiling and pretty much happy unless you are telling you to do something she simply does not want to do. She is our sassy little thang. She is a daddy's girl for sure, and the second we tell her "no", she says she is packing for Nana's house. I don't think I am ready for teen years anytime soon with her.
Lucas will be turning 6 months here in a few weeks. I don't think I have ever mentioned him yet on this blog, but Lucas Dean Nalley was born on March 26, 2016. He was our unplanned baby whom we never knew we needed until he graced us with his presence. He truly has been so much healing. My birth with him was amazing and natural. He's been an awesome breast feeder from day one, and still going strong exclusively. He sleeps well, and he is literally always happy. I have enjoyed him so much. He is a momma's little guy for sure.
We also have 3 exchange students who live in our home. Two of them are from Korea, and one is from China. They are attending Grace Academy, and they keep us busy. It has been experience over the last 3 years of hosting students in our home. It has been challenging at times, but we love hosting them. Our children have built relationships with them, and we have too. It is our hope that they have learned a lot of our faith, family, and love through our household.
It's really beginning to be that time of year for us. The difficult time. The time when fall creeps in and memories flood our minds. It is the time of year that I've always enjoyed even growing up. I truly can not wrap my mind around the fact that in just a few months, Bentley would be turning FIVE. Five is a big year. a HUGE year for a kid. And, my heart breaks that he won't physically be here to celebrate it with us. I can tell you that in 5 years I don't think we've ever grown so much. Bentley is in the best place that I ever could imagine, and we miss him each and e very day, but I know that his life, it still has such a purpose.
Since giving birth to Lucas, I began a journey of re-finding self after loss. You may say, Stephanie, you haven't found yourself yet? It's almost been five years?" I would love to tell you yes. But, the truth is that I haven't. When our world flipped upside down, we became lost. Lost really doesn't even begin to touch the surface, honestly. You plan your life. Your plan changes drastically. And, you are left with a broken plan, a broken life, and a broken heart. It takes a lot time to piece that back together. When a baby dies inside of you, you question every aspect of yourself to how you could have prevented the death from happening. Your body becomes something you hate- you despise it. Your body fails you. You feel like you failed yourself. And, you simply dig yourself deeper into a hole. After loss, you feel so isolated and confused. Your friendships fade. Maybe not because of any wrong doing, but loss changes you. You become a different friend on a different path. And, then you think you failed your friends. Your body failed you and now you fail others. Broken. The pieces become so scattered that sometimes you don't even know where to begin to start over. You can't start over. Your story and your journey is such a tangled mess that you feel like you never can be you again.
I'm here to tell you that you may never be the you again that you once were, but you can live again. You can piece yourself back together. I don't know all the answers, and I am just beginning this journey not long ago myself. Just, never give up on this life after loss. I'm beginning to blog again because for once I feel like maybe my journey on where I am now, may help someone else. After loss, I went through a period where I was so vocal, trying to do it all so to say. I got burnt out. I shut down. I once again felt like I failed. But, my journey never stopped. I am ready to be a voice from a different angle now. My story has shifted. I hope that you'll join me on this new chapter in my life. The chapter of redefining self.
I'm thankful for my family, friends, and new loss family that I have met along the way. They've helped get me to this point.