I've been feeling a bit smothered lately. I have been trying to be my normal usual self. But somedays, I don't want anyone to give me pity or sympathize . It may sound odd but sometimes I want to feel my loss to its entirety. I want to say this as nice as I can...because lately so many thoughts go through my mind but just let me handle my loss and let me have my loss as weird as that sounds. Let me have my baby loss friends and my own little world. I find it really hard to mesh with those that haven't lost babies because truth of the matter is I am very different from what the world considers a normal mom. I may be a "new" mom with chase but I am not though. I've been a mom to Bentley and he may not have been here so I may not have the same knowledge as the mother who has all her children but I've been a mother is different ways and te experience that I have is beyond the average issues or concerns, not just myself any baby loss mom in general.
I love when people talk about Bentley and I love to hear he's touched lives but at the end of the day I want to feel that I'm not competing with others on missing him or that no one except Blake truly understands even a fracture of my loss with Bentley. I miss Bentley more than anything else in this world and my heart hurts not only for me but Chase because Chase won have Bentley. He will never have his older brother.... I don't want chase to fulfill bentleys role with friends and family because he's not Bentley. He is his own person.
I want to be able to just be free. Not listen to complaints or hear people say "you already have your rainbow" or hear people complain about having or not having children or really anything in general because if I could close my eyes for one minute...and make a wish...I'd wish for a normal life but my life is far from it... But I am still blessed. I am so thankful for my baby loss moms and dads who make me feel normal ...
Done rambling..chase will be 8 months to tomorrow! What! When did this happen?
I love when people talk about Bentley and I love to hear he's touched lives but at the end of the day I want to feel that I'm not competing with others on missing him or that no one except Blake truly understands even a fracture of my loss with Bentley. I miss Bentley more than anything else in this world and my heart hurts not only for me but Chase because Chase won have Bentley. He will never have his older brother.... I don't want chase to fulfill bentleys role with friends and family because he's not Bentley. He is his own person.
I want to be able to just be free. Not listen to complaints or hear people say "you already have your rainbow" or hear people complain about having or not having children or really anything in general because if I could close my eyes for one minute...and make a wish...I'd wish for a normal life but my life is far from it... But I am still blessed. I am so thankful for my baby loss moms and dads who make me feel normal ...
Done rambling..chase will be 8 months to tomorrow! What! When did this happen?