I think sitting at rest haven is the closest feeling that I have to being all together. Chase is sleeping in the back and I'm siting in the car sobbing. I miss Bentley so much but I know he's in a better place. But I'd so do anything I could to change this all around and have all my children here...
I sit here and I wave to the grave diggers...in a sense they are like family to me...they carried my beautiful Bentley to his final resting place. They dug his grave. They mow the grass and take care of him everyday...they are family to me because I don't know how these people do their jobs because that has to be so hard...but they do and they do it because they care. They have a heart. I appreciate them so much.
I shouldn't have to sit at a grave. I shouldn't have to worry what will happen next. I shouldn't long for time to pass. I shouldn't feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I shouldn't have tears behind every smile. My heart shouldn't break over every memory. But. It. Does. And everyday, I pick up one foot then the next. I wake up and I say what does today have God? I believe that like our pastor said on Sunday... God takes unreasonable things and trials and heartache and bad things to turn people into someone from ordinary to extraordinary and do extraordinary things. And I believe that and I'm continuing to believe that because I have no clue why but I know God does. He brought me here and he will carry me through. When I've lost all hope , I cling to God because he's the only person who can give me hope in this life.
Enjoying this beautiful day remembering my Bentley..and making memories with Chase except he's been a sleepy head right now. Lol waiting for him to wake up!
I sit here and I wave to the grave diggers...in a sense they are like family to me...they carried my beautiful Bentley to his final resting place. They dug his grave. They mow the grass and take care of him everyday...they are family to me because I don't know how these people do their jobs because that has to be so hard...but they do and they do it because they care. They have a heart. I appreciate them so much.
I shouldn't have to sit at a grave. I shouldn't have to worry what will happen next. I shouldn't long for time to pass. I shouldn't feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I shouldn't have tears behind every smile. My heart shouldn't break over every memory. But. It. Does. And everyday, I pick up one foot then the next. I wake up and I say what does today have God? I believe that like our pastor said on Sunday... God takes unreasonable things and trials and heartache and bad things to turn people into someone from ordinary to extraordinary and do extraordinary things. And I believe that and I'm continuing to believe that because I have no clue why but I know God does. He brought me here and he will carry me through. When I've lost all hope , I cling to God because he's the only person who can give me hope in this life.
Enjoying this beautiful day remembering my Bentley..and making memories with Chase except he's been a sleepy head right now. Lol waiting for him to wake up!