Well, I never really wrote about our appointment the other day. I know that everyone knows that we had a good appointment and we saw the heart beating, and we actually got to hear it. But, I wanted to take a moment to write about it. Blake and I arrived at the office so early, and we waited for my mother to arrive. We walked into the building, and we took the stairs because the elevator scares me. It has all kinds of issues and moves really slow; it makes me paranoid that something will happen and we will get stuck inside of it. my anxiety can not handle that one, for sure! So, we arrive in the waiting room, and my heart begins to pound. Not just a typical, "oh, I have a little anxiety". It begins to pound out of my chest. I was so nervous. And, I saw all the same faces, and I remember the days of walking into that office so excited to be there. Now, don't get me wrong I was excited to be there, but I wish that I was there showing off Bentley and being pregnant again!
We waited in the waiting room, and I watched all the pregnant women. It's difficult, even though I am pregnant. It is still hard to sit there and watch people with these huge bellies. And, it sometimes scares me. I mentally said a prayer for each pregnant women we encountered that day. Now, finally they call us back, and I became even more nervous. I walked those halls so cautiously. My mind was flooded of memories of my first office visit with Bentley. The nurse checks my weight and I go to the bathroom, then we go to the doctor's office. We discuss the events of Bentley, and what my prenatal care will look like. I was really impressed. The doctor was fabulous. And, he makes me feel very comfortable with the office. He advised that they would be doing a sonogram today for me. I was so happy! We go back to the waiting room, and we want for the ultrasound tech to call us back. Again, it felt like eternity. .
I climb up onto the table, remembering that the last time I climbed on that table...was the last time with Bentley before we heard those awful words. Tears began to form in my eyes. The lady begins the ultrasound, and I was so worried. I was so certain that we either wouldn't see anything or that the babies heart wouldn't be beating. I know that sounds so wrong, but it is so true. I am completely honest. My worst nightmare has happened to me, so it is hard for me to expect something positive, when we have suffered such a loss. And, then it happened. I saw the flickers of Baby #2's heart beating. I remember mumbling, "Is that it?" The tech was like yes, hold on a second. She turns the volume, and we got to hear the heartbeat. OH MY GOSH. Blake, my mom, and I just began sobbing. Baby #2's heart was actually beating. I couldn't believe it. I remember fumbling to ask if the tech was going to give me pictures. She looked at me like I was crazy, but I just I think I was in shock. I am so happy that we saw Baby #2's heart beating. Blake and I could not have been more happy.
Please continue to pray for us. Please continue to pray for healing with precious Bentley, and the journey of healing; as well as, the hope and the future of baby #2. We continually need it everyday! This pregnancy will be a rollercoaster. I am on countdown. my next appointment is February 14, 2012. Valentines Day! I can't wait to see this sweet baby