Blake and I attended our weekly Hospice counseling session. It has become a part of our routine, and it is a part that I honestly very much look forward to each week. Neither of us has ever been someone who has attended counseling ever or reached out for help in the past. But, we both have grown to love going to Hospice. Many people question why we attend Hospice. I get asked a lot what does Hospice have to offer. I thought the very same things when the hospital informed me about hospice counseling. I assumed that it was for people who were dying or people who had cancer. That is all that I ever knew it for, but you know what? They have bereavement services available to people who have lost a child, a pregnancy, or adults, or even those who are struggling with a current health issue that death is within 6 months or less. They offer a lot of services. Most days I feel like I am a spokesman for Hospice, but Will, our counselor, has helped us so much. He has grown to become very close to pregnancy and infant loss because he has counseled numerous people in this area, and he really has a heart for it I believe. Blake and I love attending Hospice really. It feels nice because he offers so much advice and options of memorials and gives us information to take home and read. He asks us how we are doing, and he compliments us on our successes. He has stood by us these last 3 months. He's become a vital part to our healing process.
Today at our session...Blake and I knew we had lots to discuss with him because we have overcome so many things this week. Let me just recap our week: January 17th (last Tuesday)- We had our 1st Baby #2 appt. and we heard the heartbeat--so exciting! Along with that appointment we faced our fears of being at the office and seeing the doctor who informed us that Bentley's heart wasn't beating, On January 18th ( 3 months from the day Bentley passed)...Blake and I entered Labor and Delivery to visit my friend Hannah and Jude. We walked into the very same room, and I saw it all flashing before my eyes. Then, January 19th, we attended a funeral. We went to support a girl I recently met who lost her baby at 37 weeks. Then Friday...we took a break from things. But, Saturday, we looked at our pictures of Bentley. Boy, was that hard? So, just in 4 or 5 days, Blake and I accomplished so much. And, many people might not see the importance of these things, but they are so big. They are all very crucial pieces of our healing process. Does it mean we will heal faster? Does it mean we are healed? NO!!!!! It just means that we are doing what we need to do. It means we are facing these things, and we are taking life as it comes. And, you know what our counselor said to us? He looked at us, and he said "You guys are doing amazing!" He told us that we are truly an inspiration. And, you know what? That makes me feel so happy. It doesn't make me feel happy because a pat on my back. It makes me happy because you know why I'm sitting here? We are doing this things because of Jesus Christ. We are overcoming these obstacles because we have given it to God. We knew from day one that we couldn't do this without Him. And, we showing everyone every day that Bentley's life has a purpose, and it has meaning, and it was given meaning by Jesus. Jesus gave us Bentley. And, yes he gave us Bentley for 38 weeks, but those 38 weeks have made the world a difference in Blake and I's life along with many others. I truly feel blessed. God has truly carried us through this experience. Every morning I wake up, and every evening when I lay down...I literally say these words " God, I don't know why this happened, but I thank you for Bentley, and I think you for guiding us through this. Thank you Blake and thank you for Baby #2" I start and end by day by thanking God for the very thing that he took away from me--our son--Bentley Charles Nalley. I rest assured that there is no storm that God can't carry us through. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13, and I will continue to hold that in my heart. I know that God has "plans to prosper us and give us a future".
Our counselor also commented on how close Blake and I . And, he has been very impressed that we have stuck by each other so well. He told us that our relationship is so strong, and he hasn't seen a couple this dynamic. And, you know what....it's God. It is all God. I love Blake with every piece of me. And, I love that he's been so supportive, and I love that he's been such a great father to our children. He really is the definition of what it means to be a father. I couldn't have asked for someone better. He's my best friend. And, I known that no matter what storms we face, we will face them together. Bentley has strengthened us beyond belief. And, yes, there will be days that we are on different pages grieving, but we have a bond that can't be broken. I love him always and forever. I can't wait until our family can be reunited together with Bentley in heaven. That will be the best day of our lives!
Until we meet again