Many people probably read the topic of this blog, and think "Oh, no, Steph has gone crazy?!" I'll explain. Let's start from the beginning...Blake & I went to Rest Haven around 3:30pm to go to the chapel and light a candle for those you lost this year. It was for families who are celebrating their 1st Christmas without their loved one. The chapel was full, and the lobby was full. So sad. Well, Blake and I walked into the auditorium to light our candle, and the lady says to us, "Are you lighting the candle for your son, Bentley?" Wow, she remembered his name! It brought tears to my eyes instantly...she remembered Bentley. She remembered his name. I long for people to remember Bentley's name. I get sad that he will never get to open his Christmas cards, or birthday cards, or a just because I love you card. I am sad that I won't get "normal" holidays with him. Blake & I now have a new tradition. A tradition where we join tons of other people who live for moments of redecorating your loved ones graves or just simply seeing a candle lite. That is our "new normal". We go to graves. We look forward to that. We love visiting Bentley. Weird huh? Not weird that we miss Bentley and love seeing his grave, but weird that I am 24 years old, visiting my son's grave. How does that work? I'm supposed to be the one Bentley visits at the grave before himself. It just doesn't make sense.
We were at Bentley's grave, and we got to meet the little boy's parent's directly behind Bentley. His name is Perry. Then, the family showed up diagonal from Bentley. *It was their grave that they placed Bentley's headstone* Urgh...I still get mad about that. But, they fixed it. I just felt bad for another family to have to see that. Their little babies name is Nathan. I know that Perry and Nathan are showing Bentley the ropes of Heaven. Anyways, it was nice being able to meet the other families. It sounds crazy; I wish we got to meet them from some other way, but it isn't the case. It is because of Nathan, Perry, Ella, Gabriel, Bentley, and all the little one's that have been lost. I have met some great people. We share a bond. A bond that I wish we didn't have to, but we all feel each other's pain. We get what we are going through, and I know, and I believe that our babies are in heaven, and I know that they are watching over us. They are waiting for us. I can't wait until the day that I get to hold Bentley's hand again. I loved holding his precious hand in the hospital. I loved holding him in my arms. I loved watching Blake hold him. Oh, how I miss him! I can't wait to see him again.
Well, Blake and I have gotten a new passion through all this. I want to give all of our babies a voice. I want people to know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss month. I want people to know that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. I want people to realize that yes sad things like this do happen. I was one who thought--it would never be me. But, it was me, and it is me. I am experiencing one of the worst things ever. So , I want people who have children--hold them tight. Love them. Be thankful for them. They are blessings. And, I want people who have lost their babies--they won't be forgotten. They are loved. And, if you know Jesus as your Savior--you will see them again! I'm so thankful for that peace. I am thankful that I don't have to wonder where Bentley is. I'd be lost if I had no clue where he is. I am thankful for Jesus. He has given me hope. And, I will continue to praise Him in this storm. I will continue to ask God for strength everyday. Blake & I have continued to grow closer together, and we have been getting up everyday. Yes, there are rough days; there are rough moments, but God is prevailing in our lives. And, he will continue...
Bentley, I have and will