"it's easier not to think about" hm, how true is that in every aspect of our lives? I know that this phrase can apply to almost any situation and i have really found it to be true with us dealing with our loss and life as being two different types of parents and I have noticed it being the one overlooked or ignored because it's easier not to acknowledge our loss with Bentley.
Now please do not get me wrong we have a huge supportive group of people BUT..I have noticed a lot of people walk away not because they want to hurt us or be inconsiderate but I be frank about it~it's easier not to deal with it.
I recently had an encounter with a coworker Where I had asked how her family was doing after a loss in her family. She stopped for a moment to thank me for remembering as it had happened right before Bentley passed away. But she went onto say just what my blog is about. She expressed it was easier not to think about the loss or acknowledge the feelings associated with the loss. Why is that? To me, I thought initially how awful that sounds. But I totally get it ..ahe went on to explain that the pain is just too much and she explained thr even our loss with Bentley..it is hard for her to think about it because the loss is ao surreal . It is so painful and it just blows your mind that you get ao sad even though you aren't te one who lost..it's a ripple effect of sadness. Wow..i have found that to be so true..but that pain and sadness well it's our lives. But I contined to think about her phrase...
I find that even myself has lived in that way. I have noticed in the last year and especially in these last four months that it been easier not to deal wih the emotion. I know I wrote earlier this month about not really knowing how to feel. We are constantly knowing how life is but always wandering how life should have been. We have mind battles each and other day which makes life exhausting and overwhelming. Being a parent of a baby in heaven and a baby on earth is a very difficult task. The average person may not understand but it is very challenging and emotionally draining. I have found that I've blogged less..I've shared less..I've hid my tears less..I've just expressed less to Thera because the truth is..it's easier not to deal with it...
I am learning that isn't the case...lately grief has taken a toll on my life physically. So I've begun to see that I need to deal with these emotions that are draining me affecting me physically in life. Pleae as my friends an family and those who may stumble upon this blog..please pray as this road for us or any other baby loss family isn't easy. And lately I'm needing strength because these feet are getting heavier to put one foot in front of the other. I thank each of you who've walked beside us in this last year...we wouldn't be here without you.
I am learning that I bottled a lot of emotion inside. I needed to be ok because we got pregnant ao fast ..so I am finding that I am expressing a lot of first time emotions in our 2nd year of this journey..please be gentle with me. I just want to let everyone know that I am not always the strong determined confident person who I have heard a lot of ppl call me. I am weak and fragile but one thing that I know is that I need to be humble to God..I am need to know that I've survived this year because of God not by me. And I know I owe him the credit and I know with his help we will get through. I just need to keep my focus but I've felt I got alil lost lately..
Well enough for now. I'm an old lady and it's past my bed time ;)
Now please do not get me wrong we have a huge supportive group of people BUT..I have noticed a lot of people walk away not because they want to hurt us or be inconsiderate but I be frank about it~it's easier not to deal with it.
I recently had an encounter with a coworker Where I had asked how her family was doing after a loss in her family. She stopped for a moment to thank me for remembering as it had happened right before Bentley passed away. But she went onto say just what my blog is about. She expressed it was easier not to think about the loss or acknowledge the feelings associated with the loss. Why is that? To me, I thought initially how awful that sounds. But I totally get it ..ahe went on to explain that the pain is just too much and she explained thr even our loss with Bentley..it is hard for her to think about it because the loss is ao surreal . It is so painful and it just blows your mind that you get ao sad even though you aren't te one who lost..it's a ripple effect of sadness. Wow..i have found that to be so true..but that pain and sadness well it's our lives. But I contined to think about her phrase...
I find that even myself has lived in that way. I have noticed in the last year and especially in these last four months that it been easier not to deal wih the emotion. I know I wrote earlier this month about not really knowing how to feel. We are constantly knowing how life is but always wandering how life should have been. We have mind battles each and other day which makes life exhausting and overwhelming. Being a parent of a baby in heaven and a baby on earth is a very difficult task. The average person may not understand but it is very challenging and emotionally draining. I have found that I've blogged less..I've shared less..I've hid my tears less..I've just expressed less to Thera because the truth is..it's easier not to deal with it...
I am learning that isn't the case...lately grief has taken a toll on my life physically. So I've begun to see that I need to deal with these emotions that are draining me affecting me physically in life. Pleae as my friends an family and those who may stumble upon this blog..please pray as this road for us or any other baby loss family isn't easy. And lately I'm needing strength because these feet are getting heavier to put one foot in front of the other. I thank each of you who've walked beside us in this last year...we wouldn't be here without you.
I am learning that I bottled a lot of emotion inside. I needed to be ok because we got pregnant ao fast ..so I am finding that I am expressing a lot of first time emotions in our 2nd year of this journey..please be gentle with me. I just want to let everyone know that I am not always the strong determined confident person who I have heard a lot of ppl call me. I am weak and fragile but one thing that I know is that I need to be humble to God..I am need to know that I've survived this year because of God not by me. And I know I owe him the credit and I know with his help we will get through. I just need to keep my focus but I've felt I got alil lost lately..
Well enough for now. I'm an old lady and it's past my bed time ;)