I don't think people truly understand to vast impact that losing a baby takes on ones life. Everything becauses complicated. Everything is taken to a different level. And nothing makes sense. You feel lost and disconnected no matter how hard you try to fit. You don't fit with moms who haven't had a loss because parenting concepts and thought processes are so different mentally. It may not always seem that way but secretly in our minds life is just so different.
It's hard for me to find a hobby. Something I truly enjoy doing. What do I enjoy? Sometimes I think when buried Bentley that I buried any fun aspect of my life. Yes I enjoy and cherish my time with chase and Blake and baby #3 but there isn't a moment that grief isn't lingering in the back ground. There isn't a day i can turn
The off switch. Sometimes people don't understand exhaustion. They may think its aoley because of having "one" child but let me be the first to tell people I have two. And being a parent of a living child and a child who has passed is not easy. You are always stressing over how to continue to honor your baby. Are you thinking abut your baby? How would life be different had hour other baby be here? The questions never stop. The thoughts never end.
I miss my Bentley so much. And as time goes on ya know what?? I miss him
More and more. This life becomes more exhausting and more difficult.
My chase keeps me going there. He has a smile and eyes to light up a room. I love him more than words and the bond we carry is unexplainable. I can not even begin to explain how comforting it is as teara will stream down my face and he hugs me and smiles. It makes my day. It keeps my two feet moving forward.