Well, it is very apparent that I need to do something. I need something to occupy my time. I'll be honest I am not the most crafty. I really feel like I have nothing. Work is coming along...making baby steps. It is difficult, but I know I will get through it. I know that Jesus brought me here, and he will carry me through. It is just going to take time. But, I need something to look forward to. Something to be involved in. Blake has basketball, and I am so thankful that he has that each week. We've been working hard to keep busy. I mostly need to find something to do while Blake's at work. It's so hard because most people are at work during the day, and the ones who don't work or work part time are at home with their kids. It's still difficult for me to be able to function normal around a lot of kids or being closely confined with children. It simply brings too much pain. Kids are okay in moderation, and I can tolerate seeing them most of the time, but I don't think I'd be able to go to lunch and talk with someone about losing mine while they have their kids. I don't want to be a "debbie downer" , and I need something healing for myself, and I don't know that I see that as healing. I just need to find something. If I don't stay busy, I sit on the internet--I consume myself with what happened. And, I sit and think about it all over and over and over again. Soooo....prayer request....pray I find something. I find an "escape". I don't think I'll escape it, but a healthy outlet. I miss Bentley so much.
I found this conference on Stillbirth and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It is next October 5-8th. And, it's located in Baltimore. I am so happy. Weird, huh? I'm excited to go to a conference about stillbirth. It sounds morbid. It sounds insane, but that's my life now. I get excited to learn more about it. I get excited to learn how to prevent it. I get excited to hear other stories. And, i get excited that Bentley's story may touch someone's life. So, I am hoping that we can go. The registration fees will be listed in spring, so i am hoping it isn't expensive, and it is something doable.
We went to visit Bentley's grave today. We had a counseling session, and we just rela