Today I got up just like I've done for the past 9 Mondays. I HATE Mondays. I used to hate them because it was always so hard to get back to work after a weekend off, but I dispise Monday's now because Monday was the day. It was a Monday on October 17, 2011 when we went to the doctor's office. It was 9 Monday's ago to be exact. But, today I took Blake to work, then decided I would go ahead and get my lab done for my glucose test. The doctor's office had given me a slip to go to the lab and do it on my own time rather sitting in the office where everyone is primarily pregnant. So, I went to Funnel Building Lab first on Antietam St. hoping that I go there because I just didn't want to go to Robinwood. I really don't like going to Robinwood. I can take you to the exact parking spot we parked in that day. I can take you the same stairs that we left. And, I can retell those events so vividly. I relive them every time i drive down Robinwood Drive. Every time we pull into Robinwood, my mind goes back there. It goes to drive of October 17, 2011. Urghhh....Make it stop?!?!
Anyways, I go to the Funnel Building, only to discover that I would be driving to Robinwood. I would be driving to Robinwood because they don't do the two glucose test. So, off I drive to Robinwood. Dreading it. I arrive at Robinwood, and they test my blood sugars, and I drive that awful drink. I wait. And, wait. And, wait some more. Two hours later I get my blood tested again. And, I leave the office. During that visit, two pregnant people sat in the same room with me. And, I watched some mother and father scream at their child for no reason at all. The little boy asked his dad if he could have the cereal his mom had brought in her purse. The little boy was probably 2. The dad looked at the little boy, and told him that he just needed to shut up, and that if he didn't stop, then he'd bop him right in the mouth. SERIOUSLY? He asked for his cereal. The kid said he was hungry. I looked at the little boy, and I gave him a warm smile. I felt bad for him. I don't know his home life, but I felt bad. He was watching the TV because they had the Grinch on TV, and he was laughing watching the TV, and he just kept staring at me, and I just kept smiling. I don't understand. How can someone be pregnant with another when they don't even care about the one they have? So unfair. I just pray that God breaks their heart. I pray they realize their child deserves their love.
It was sweet though. I left to go sit in front of the lab instead of the office because it was getting stuffy in there, and my mind was going to explode. I sat on the bench, and a women who I have known for years was walking with her husband there. She realized who I was, and her eyes filled with tears. She sat down, and she cried with me. I had been sitting there crying alone, but she sat down and she cried with me. She prayed with me. She told me a story about losing her own son at a much older age, but she explained that she couldn't compare because she was blessed to have 18 years. She just sat there, and she let me cry. And, she cried. I told her his name, and she just cried...she said oh my, that is such a sweet name...I just lost it...I love hearing his name, I really do. I use his name often. It means the world to me to hear it. I long to see a Christmas card addressed to Bentley, a birthday card, anything. He will never get to open mail...I miss him so much. I really do. My heart is broken...it really is. I pray that God will heal Blake and I. I pray that God will bless our faithfulness.
A few verses I have found to help me:
(Psalms 147:3 NKJV) He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.