It's pretty nasty outside. I had to stand in the rain to let Bailey out numerous times today. And, he isn't like any other dog--he HATES to get his feet wet; therefore, I stood outside in the rain begging him to go the bathroom! Silly dog! I sure do love him though. He has been great to have because he cuddles when I'm sad; he sits in Bentley's room with me; and, he just seems to understand how Blake and I feel most days. He's been a great buddy to have through this.
I sure do miss Bentley. Many people I believe think "oh, Steph, you have a baby on the way now--you shouldn't miss Bentley or be upset", but I miss him so much. I miss him MORE each day. I miss him because he's going to be a big brother--a big brother who will never have the privilege to be apart of his little brother/sister's life physically. Blake and I are so happy that I am pregnant again, and it really is an answer to prayer. It really is a blessing from God, and a gift from our sweet Bentley, but it doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't take away the hurt or the grief or the millions of emotions that flood through my mind when missing Bentley. I should have Bentley here with me while preparing his sibling. We should have one physical baby, and one in my belly, not one baby in heaven, and one on the way. I'm so thankful for every moment that I did have with Bentley, and I"m thankful that I feel his spirit. I am thankful for the memories that I do have, and I am thankful for the changes that he brought forth in Blake and I's lives. And, he has forever shaped our parenthood. He has made us the parents we are, and the parents we will continue to be.
Bentley will always be missed by Blake and I. And, it is difficult because Blake and I are going through a year of 1st without Bentley, but we are also entering a life with a new one on the way. It is crucial that anyone who follows us that they join us in prayer. Prayer for healing; prayer for hope; prayer for healthiness. Blake and I have decided to take one day at a time. We are moving forward while celebrating everything that we accomplished along the way. There are things that we accomplish that many don't see as accomplishments. There are things that friends and family don't understand the difficulty of it for Blake and I. It is highly impressive that Blake and I are even functioning as well as we are. We suffered the worst pain. It isn't natural to have your child--your baby--your first baby die before you. It isn't right. It isn't fair. And, it has happened to us. I still sit and think sometimes that "wow, that just didn't happen did it?" And, I quickly realize that it did. I quickly realize that the reason that I am standing on my feet is because God is carrying Blake and I. There is no magic behind it, and I certainly am not doing this on my own. Most days I don't even know how I am standing here. Most days I don't know why I have a smile on my face.
But, Blake and I are determined to get through this together, and we are determined to continue to rely on God. I am trusting Him to get us through each day. Prayers are needed. Prayers are needed for healthy pregnancy ahead. And, for my own peace of mind to stay calm and not stress. We both need strength to make it through each day still. It is going to be a roller coaster, but I know we will get through it. I believe that.
We have learned in the past two months the people who have been and the people who have not been there. We have learned who we can depend on and we have learned who has ran the opposite direction from us. We have learned that the people who we thought would be there have been the ones that haven't done a thing but show up to the funeral and maybe the hospital, but they haven't said a "i'm thinking about you", "do you want to hang out", or really any comforting to know they are there. So, I want to say thanks to those who HAVE been there. Thank you to the people who have come out of the woodwork lol. I will be honest the people who I barely know have the ones that really helped Blake and I the most, and I can't express how thankful that I am for that. Those people are true blessing's from God. I'm glad to call you my friend.
I sure do miss Bentley. Many people I believe think "oh, Steph, you have a baby on the way now--you shouldn't miss Bentley or be upset", but I miss him so much. I miss him MORE each day. I miss him because he's going to be a big brother--a big brother who will never have the privilege to be apart of his little brother/sister's life physically. Blake and I are so happy that I am pregnant again, and it really is an answer to prayer. It really is a blessing from God, and a gift from our sweet Bentley, but it doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't take away the hurt or the grief or the millions of emotions that flood through my mind when missing Bentley. I should have Bentley here with me while preparing his sibling. We should have one physical baby, and one in my belly, not one baby in heaven, and one on the way. I'm so thankful for every moment that I did have with Bentley, and I"m thankful that I feel his spirit. I am thankful for the memories that I do have, and I am thankful for the changes that he brought forth in Blake and I's lives. And, he has forever shaped our parenthood. He has made us the parents we are, and the parents we will continue to be.
Bentley will always be missed by Blake and I. And, it is difficult because Blake and I are going through a year of 1st without Bentley, but we are also entering a life with a new one on the way. It is crucial that anyone who follows us that they join us in prayer. Prayer for healing; prayer for hope; prayer for healthiness. Blake and I have decided to take one day at a time. We are moving forward while celebrating everything that we accomplished along the way. There are things that we accomplish that many don't see as accomplishments. There are things that friends and family don't understand the difficulty of it for Blake and I. It is highly impressive that Blake and I are even functioning as well as we are. We suffered the worst pain. It isn't natural to have your child--your baby--your first baby die before you. It isn't right. It isn't fair. And, it has happened to us. I still sit and think sometimes that "wow, that just didn't happen did it?" And, I quickly realize that it did. I quickly realize that the reason that I am standing on my feet is because God is carrying Blake and I. There is no magic behind it, and I certainly am not doing this on my own. Most days I don't even know how I am standing here. Most days I don't know why I have a smile on my face.
But, Blake and I are determined to get through this together, and we are determined to continue to rely on God. I am trusting Him to get us through each day. Prayers are needed. Prayers are needed for healthy pregnancy ahead. And, for my own peace of mind to stay calm and not stress. We both need strength to make it through each day still. It is going to be a roller coaster, but I know we will get through it. I believe that.
We have learned in the past two months the people who have been and the people who have not been there. We have learned who we can depend on and we have learned who has ran the opposite direction from us. We have learned that the people who we thought would be there have been the ones that haven't done a thing but show up to the funeral and maybe the hospital, but they haven't said a "i'm thinking about you", "do you want to hang out", or really any comforting to know they are there. So, I want to say thanks to those who HAVE been there. Thank you to the people who have come out of the woodwork lol. I will be honest the people who I barely know have the ones that really helped Blake and I the most, and I can't express how thankful that I am for that. Those people are true blessing's from God. I'm glad to call you my friend.